This is my third attempt at writing an article, and I hope I don’t flunk it again this time. I got stuck in the middle during my previous attempts, so I might try to avoid getting there for this one. Bear with me. Remember when I told you I opted for being less vulnerable because this is me inviting you into my mind? I’m afraid that fear might have dwindled my creativity, or maybe I have lost touch due to inconsistency.

Whichever it is, I have myself to blame and hope I can fix it. This cycle usually starts with me asking myself hard questions, analyzing patterns, and giving you pointers based on my experiences. These days, I have stopped asking questions and started accepting life. Not that I am no longer curious, but will the curiosity make me feel better or worse?

Most times, it’s the second option. I know that analyzing a situation might help me process it better, yet I still choose willful ignorance. Maybe it’s self-preservation. Maybe it’s fear. Either way, I’m paying the price. If I won’t ask myself, I’m turning the spotlight on you. Perhaps through your bravery and courage I can find my way back to mine.

At what point did you give in?

Not up, because you’re still here. But at some point, you must have felt it too. That creeping realization that no matter how much effort you pour into shaping your life, it remains unpredictable. You plan, you fight, and yet life smirks at your certainty.

In giving in, you stop initiating. You move from being proactive to reactive, not because you’re lazy, but because exhaustion has settled in. Instead of making things happen, you brace yourself for what will happen, hoping you can handle the next wave.

Maybe you are at a point where your only hope is that whatever happens, you will be able to withstand it. You gave in because you gave everything you had but were only mocked in the end. Just when you thought you were anchored, another storm hit. So, the version of you that is currently fighting isn’t asking the hard questions or is only fighting with part of you instead of all of you. You start saying things like, “I just want to be happy,” or postponing your life to the aftermath of situations.

I am not here to say you have been wrong. A better accusatory phrase would be that we have been wrong. But I can at least say that I see you. I see that you are giving your best. As flawed as that best might be, you haven’t stopped giving. Whether we make life happen or wait for it to happen, it will happen regardless. 

So, it is okay to be stubborn, to refuse to give in to life’s pressure of turning you into a shell of its circumstances. One rebellious smile at a time. One more attempt at what gives you joy. One more push in charting your existence your own way. One more article. We won’t give in, and if we have, we will take it back.

Somehow, I made it past the middle. This is your sign.

Song of the moment – Everything Ends by Architects.

Have a lovely week ahead ❤️