I’ve been into a lot of fiction recently, which is unusual since my thing is self-help, but I have gone through five in less than three months, and one thing is sure, no story is just a story. At the core of every book, whether a good or bad one, there is a personal connection that always shines through. It might be the character, the artificial world or even reality; somehow, you get a direct tour of the author’s mind, which is one of the most invaluable experiences you could have.

I’m not here to sell books to you; that’s not where this is going. I’m here to remind you that I will always find the lesson in every story, the crux of every book and will open the window to worlds you never knew existed. Maybe someday you can decide to walk through the door yourself. 

My most recent read gave me another view into what love is, and it belittles everything I know or think I know about love. It is the most straightforward yet complicated approach, and it isn’t common practice because it’s you in the center of it. It’s you being both an ally and an enemy with one of the fundamentals of human existence – selfishness.

By now, you have had a myriad of relationships. Friends, family, romance, strangers, colleagues, the list is inexhaustible, and there are about a hundred people connected to you statistically. Sometimes, love is putting your needs above all others, and other times, you have to take a step back. 

But no impeccable set of guiding rules accurately reflects this distinction. It’s almost inevitable to be selfish when you need to be selfless and vice versa. How do you know what type of love you require when navigating all your different relationships? That is what makes love complicated. Love in its simplest form is sacrifice; what complicates it is the choice of sacrifice, you or them.

I know a hack now, and we’re about to improve. It’s a priority list. If only it were as straightforward as it sounds, and if all you have to do is decide who and what comes first, it can’t be that hard. Well, technically, it isn’t, but in one way or another, you’re traumatized, and your values have been flawed by your experience over time.

So, your priority list isn’t a priority but a safety list. It’s you trying to protect yourself from hurting again or outcomes you perceive as wrong. What’s more, it usually clashes with those of the people you love, and you constantly try to reshuffle, which puts you all over the place. Now, you are not grounded in a specific set of values, which is almost the same as not having them.

You allow everything and anything because you cannot decide who or what comes first. Who are the people you cannot live without, and what are the things that make you feel whole? It will all fall into place if you can sincerely sort this out.

A priority list is about values but also truth. It isn’t you on a pedestal of righteousness but loving yourself enough to know that your values can be wrong and your list is out of order. There is no line between you being selfish or selfless; there’s just you constantly choosing yourself, even if it means putting others first.

Song of the moment – Unwritten – by Natasha Bedingfield. Make good choices this week, see you next month. Love always ❤️