I have always wondered how people cope with significant changes in their lives, not that I haven’t gone through any. But by popular standards, I’ll consider myself a novice. Now, I know the size of changes is very subjective; what’s a big deal to you might be an everyday occurrence to me. Still, it doesn’t change that it’s new, and you who are dealing with it aren’t.

But that’s what life is about: changes, growth, and new beginnings. It’s a constant challenge that gives you the thrill of being alive. My question is, do you change as frequently as change happens, or do you become a bricklayer over time? Layering the new on the old at each interval. Or do you tear down and rebuild?

There isn’t a perfect answer for this, and each method should be used interchangeably. You don’t want to rebuild where you must layer up, or vice versa. I think internal conflict stems from this, and you begin to lose your sense of self. If every choice you make causes you to lose a part of yourself, what will you have to hold on to when you’re all you’ve got?

On what rock will you rebuild again? It’s easy to see bad choices as what they are: bad. But it’s also essential to understand why they were wrong. If the fruits of a tree are terrible, do you cut off the branches or pay attention to the tree itself? If you cut off the branches and the tree is bare, guess what will happen?

You’re right; it’ll sprout those same sour fruits again. Some changes are that way; they are branches that stem from you, their source. You can cut people off, get a new job, do retail therapy, lose weight, or move miles away. If there’s a problem with the source, you’re simply clearing the dirt for new dirt.

So, what makes adapting hard is different from the change itself. It’s you who have refused to face the challenge from the source. You’ve filled the path with unnecessary debris, and instead of tearing down, you’re layering up.

I firmly believe in learning from experience; the things you have or are currently going through do not define you. But I think an addendum is missing: “They shape you.” Yes, you don’t look like what you have been through, but you embody what you have been through. Every emotion you have felt, the place you have lived, and the people you have shared your time with all make you.

It would be foolish to create an isolated identity from all these factors because it would be baseless. Have you ever seen a branch not attached to a tree? What happens after some time? Yes, you guessed right, again, it dies. You can change for the better, but if your transition has no foundation, it has no value and won’t last very long.

We are approaching a new year, and you know how fired up you get to do new things? That’s you tearing down instead of layering up. I’m not here to tell you how to approach changes; rather, pay more attention to them. If the end will always be inevitable, why do we keep going in cycles instead of spending more time finding the right path?

Here’s a song I love, you should too. A year ago – by James Arthur. Till next time, love always❤️.