How often do you reassess your values? It’s one thing to know they are wrong and another to realize they can no longer serve you. I used to know someone who had difficulty accepting that they were wrong. They believed their view was the ultimate, and anything else could not be condoned. This person valued being right more than growth because you can only learn by putting what you know aside. My problem isn’t their values; you have no right to decide how someone should think. My problem is how that constantly clashes with mine.

Because I placed knowledge over justification, we were always in conflict. The order of priorities was wrong, but that did not equal them being a terrible person. If I hadn’t taken the time to assess why we constantly clashed, they would still be a part of my life. I’ll explain why this isn’t a pass to cut people off and how easily we use this as an excuse. 

Over the week, I thought a little more about my process of letting people go. Usually, I’m a loyal person, so I will probably bend and compromise until I can’t anymore. But I saw that I hadn’t been fair. The grace I give to everyone is very different, biased and subjective. This is because I set the rules based solely on my opinion which can sometimes be emotional rather than logical.

Before you let someone get close to you, I’m sure they must meet some spoken and unspoken criteria. This isn’t harmful; you are simply trying to maintain your standards and uphold your values. The problem is when these rules do not apply to changes or are not flexible enough for growth. If the criteria for having someone in your circle is that they love football, when they start to love basketball, there is usually no room to accommodate that. Or what if you support the same team and they no longer want to? Are you still friends, or is that the end of the relationship?

I used the football example to give you context. That might not be the case. It may be a change in mindset, lifestyle, physique, or even priorities. It’s not a problem to hold your values above all else, but it becomes one if your values are not flexible enough for positive changes, growth, or genuine mistakes. The same rules you applied as a teenager simply would not work now, so why are your expectations from relationships still the same as they were then?

I am not saying you should hold on to people even if the relationship is toxic or they refuse to be objective enough to question themselves. If the change is good, aimed at making them a better person or opening up new ways of development, why should you cut them off because you can’t handle it? We are wired to run away from what we cannot understand. If something is unfamiliar or uncomfortable, we start looking for ways to return it to what it used to be, even if it means cutting people off.

This is why I was wrong. Because I am used to this version of you, I’m not sure I can handle who you’ll become 5 years from now if I refuse to change myself. Due to mental stagnation, I’ll apply the same rules, which won’t work. Instead of looking for relationships that always make you feel comfortable, look for those that challenge your beliefs and stretch your standards. What you know now is not everything you need to know and you’ll never grow if your only response to conflict is flight.

Thank you for being here today ❤️ Here’s a song I’m in love with at the moment- Rocketship – Llunr. Enjoy your week🥰