I consider myself pretty stubborn, although some may refer to me as headstrong, and that’s okay. There would be a real problem if I were a saint in everyone’s account. I have a brief story. I used to have a pen pal say 10 years ago, and that was when I realized I was good at expressing my thoughts in writing.

I never could do a good job with words, but this pen pal of mine, let’s call him Deadpool. (favorite movie character, by the way) He was a nerd and had the most beautiful writing I have ever seen. Usually, our letters recount how our individual days went, and each time I read one, it felt like I was living a double life.

This gets better. Stay with me. Eventually, we dated, and he might see this, but that’s not the point. One day we had a fight, and we argued through letters, yeah I know it’s weird. I tried so hard to detail my side of the story so he could feel my anger in every word while remaining respectful. That’s a hard thing to do. Anyway, a friend caught a glimpse and asked why I had written four paragraphs that began with “I don’t like….”

At first, it surprised me as I didn’t notice, then she added, “Don’t you think that makes you a troublesome person? There should be something you like, right? She didn’t even know the story and was judging me, please. I finished the letter anyway and had it sent.

But I have never forgotten her words, after then I didn’t write letters like that and each time I randomly think back to it, I’m reminded to check myself. The reason I was arguing over letters was that I had discovered how I enjoyed writing and how I loved seeing and reading his writing. How I conveniently forgot those two is quite relatable, yeah?

There are a lot of things you detest when people do, especially those you are in relationships with, because their actions hurt more. But if there weren’t things you liked about them in the first place, you would not have learned the things that you dislike about them now.

When there’s conflict, everyone wants to be the good guy, and your side of the story is always the perfect one. And if you were wrong, you also have an excuse. But you miss the point. Conflict isn’t to decide who the bad guy is or the culprit, it is to learn and be better.

I know it’s two different processes, one is aww, cute, and the other is probably repeating I don’t like four times. Either way, get off your high horse and learn. Someone might like you because you’re stubborn, but sometimes consider you a villain for choosing to have your own way.

Why is it now a problem when they used to like that about you? I’ll give you an answer next week. See ya!