I looked back recently and realized how much I have changed. I could have remained the same person because I thought I was happier, so I did not see the point. To make it worse, I started going through my old pictures and videos, which cemented my theory.

Why did I change when I was fine the way I was? What happened exactly? There were a couple of things to blame: adulthood and this country, probably. But there is no point in deceiving oneself; they might have played a part, but that was not the reason.

There is also a crucial point that I think you frequently miss when you think you were better in the past: you isolate results and moments. When you recall difficult times, you laugh about your mistakes and reflect on how tough it was, but the highlights of your stories are always the outcomes.

You take out the process and use the ultimate moments to judge the entire experience. It’s like when a depressed person takes a picture; they probably have the biggest smile, and you would never know how they truly feel just by looking at it. That’s what memories do, especially the ones you consider being good. They make you think you had it all together, but you didn’t, and you never have.

It is because of the process that you now have these sweet memories; it is why you have changed and are no longer the person who made those mistakes. Change happened because life demanded much more than you could give.

As you know, I am someone who is very particular about moments and making the best out of them, but what happens when the moments are still, the days are dark, the nights even darker, and the only stream of light is from someone you used to be?

Do you go back? Do you remain here? Or do you see this phase through? These questions will probably require some thought. I spent about fifteen minutes thinking about an answer, but I do not have any, and that’s okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself as we are all figuring these things out.

A litmus paper will always change based on its past situation, because that’s how you know it has been through either an acidic or alkaline solution.

So, when you’re not sure of who you are or a previous version of you seems to make more sense, remember that you didn’t get here simply by your own volition.

You’re here because you needed to grow, and if this new person confuses you, relax; it’s part of the challenge, I promise you. Just as you recall only happy memories, you are likely to forget that there was a time when you questioned your identity.

Song of the moment – My Way – Aloe Blacc

Have a beautiful weekend ☺️